Posted on Friday, October 28, 2005

Rant, Rant, Rant

I know it's no better than a cliché to say so, but I Hate Blogger. I hate trying to position photos within text, and continually losing them into the vapor. I hate that when you save a draft, it disappears from the screen until you summon it back from the Blogger crypt. I hate that Surly Girl's comments were taunting me today with having to type in lines from various eye charts in various loopy fonts, because I never, evidently, read them correctly. Now she will just have to live without my well thought-out advice about storing onions in the surviving leg of discarded pantyhose (no, really). I especially hate it when I cannot respond to a comment on MY OWN BLOG because of some innate disability seem to have when it comes to vaulting Blogger's security hurdles. I hate, hate, hate it!

So, while I'm standing here on my ranting soapbox, let's talk about spam, shall we? Yeah, I know, you've heard it all (and lived it all) before. But tell me this: Why is it that even people with obviously female names are bombarded constantly about the inadequacies of our hairlines and penises? Is it not obvious to even the most retarded spammers that lengthening my non-existent penis or overcoming my non-existent male-pattern baldness are among the least likely ways to get to my money? Are they assuming that woman are going to be on the lookout for remedies for these unfortunate conditions on behalf of the men in their lives. Have they never considered that forwarding such an e-mail to a husband along with a "Honey, maybe you should try this!" sort of note would do more to harm a romantic relationship than to enrich it? In my case, being married to a potted plant makes the length of his penis and state of his hairline the absolute least of my worries.

I did, however, get one interesting piece of spam recently. It was a rant against Bill Gates for Microsoft's use of, get this, spam! Isn't there a certain poetry in that? Using spam itself as a means to stage a protest against spam? I hadn't paid attention to the sender at first, but I was intrigued enough to note the name and discovered the biggest treat of all: I was the very person who sent it! And, while I'm certainly prone to lapse into random rants in the general direction of Bill Gates, I have no memory of authoring this particular note. Makes me wonder how many people I may have forwarded it to in my sleep. If you happened to be one of them, forgive me. I have no memory of joining the spamming ranks although, clearly, I must have. If I start spamming you with concerns over certain features of your anatomy, you're welcome to come here in person and slap me.

10 Response to " "

Dave Says:

Ms. V Writer we have the VERY PRODUCT for which you have been crying out. This wonder lotion will not only increase the length of your potted plant, but will also increase the luxuriant growth of its foliage.

WARNING excessive use of this product may result in plant droop, and in extreme cases, in death.

Bill Gates Says:

I send mash notes to Bill Gates myself, now and then. So far, he hasn't responded, but maybe, someday....

MarkD60 Says:

I thought was funy when microsoft bought an anti spyware company. Microsoft is all about monitoring what the users of their products are doing!

surly girl Says:

is it still a moneysaving tip if i have to go out and buy some tights to keep onions in?

FTS Says:

I hate commenting on Blogger sites, too. If the letters are images that bots can't read, why must they make them so difficult for us to decipher?

The spam all balances out. I get tons of it offering all sorts of methods to increase the size of my breasts and boost my female libido.

I promise not to forward them to you if you don't send me anymore of those male enhancement spam emails.

Have you tried Miracle Grow for your potted plant? ;-)

Mike Ashley Says:

Yes, those security measures sure can be a pain the neck (or other areas of the body) but it sure is nice not be bombarded with them.

FTS Says:

Wishing you and yours a happy and blessed Thanksgiving! :)

Dave Says:

Are you ever going to blog again? Your public miss you.

razorbeck Says:

If you think those penis lengthening spams are hard on you , think about those of us that actually own one! Its enough to give a poor fellow a complex

Lillee Says:

Loving this blog and wondering why you haven't posted since October.

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