Vaporback Writer

Vacuum the Halls. Deck them Later.

Posted on Sunday, December 05, 2010

I was talking on the phone to a client a few weeks ago, a fellow German Shephard owner, as it turned out. I'm not sure how the topic of our dogs came into the conversation, but it did, and he asked if I was coping with the same magnitude of dog hair as he was. Absolutely. Had he tried the Furminator comb? Yes, he replied, but he had also purchased a new vacuum cleaner that had changed his life. Changed his life. A man said this. I've never known of a man's life being changed by a household appliance.

I had to know more.


He gave me the model name. And then he said, "It's the best $700 I ever spent!"


**blink** **blink blink** **blink**


$700 dollars? Yikes. So much for that fantasy. I can tolerate a lot of dog hair for $700.


I told my husband about this phone conversation during dinner. While I had been merely taken aback by the price of this miracle vacuum, my husband nearly choked on his beans. As I suspected. This is the usual male response to good money being spent on prosaic household appliances when there are still homeless wide screen TVs and computer equipment in the world.


Nevertheless, he must have filed the model name away somewhere in his convoluted memory because several weeks later, he forwarded me an email. One of his online deal shopping sites was advertising this particular model of vacuum for less than half price. In other words, much closer to our price range. In the meantime, one of my two working vacuums (the better one, of course) had choked and died, perhaps in an act of Hoover hari-kari, after injesting a particularly meaty wad of nastiness during an intense cleaning session. Spilled cat litter was involved. Enough said.


Long story short? My new miracle vacuum arrived Friday. And will it be as orgasmic as its reputation implies? The jury is still out. But I did have to empty the canister a half dozen times on Friday night alone. And that was from vacuuming just the downstairs.

My13-year-old son declared it "sexy." Either men are changing. Or vacuum cleaners are.