To Future Friends
Posted on Saturday, December 12, 2009
I believe we all have a friendship style, and mine is very low key. I’ve never been the kind of person with dozens of friends buzzing around, friends for every type of occasion. I have more often found myself with just a few, good friends at any given time. Sometimes they’ve been available to me; sometimes not, so I have concurrently come to rely upon and enjoy my own company. I’m just as happy to go to a restaurant or a movie all by myself as I am with others. I’ve never understood people who endure the company of people that they later spend their time picking apart rather than just going solo. For some people, clearly, that “picking apart” is part of the fun. In fact, I could see myself falling into that unkind habit, so it’s just as well that I don’t pursue a lot of shallow friendships.
Last year, I lost a good friend and I still don’t know why. She suddenly—quite suddenly—decided to sever contact, and has never responded to any of my attempts to communicate with her since then. I’ve gone over our final, cordial email exchange dozens of times to try to discover something that could have offended her. Nothing. One minute we were making plans to get together that evening, the next she no-showed me and now no longer responds to my calls or emails. It’s a puzzle, but it’s not a tragedy. After all, the last thing I want to do is pressure someone into continuing a friendship if their heart is not in it. Still, it hurts that I don’t know what happened after all these years.
This year, I lost another good friend. In this case though, it was my choice. This person has been a huge part of my family’s life in recent years, but, recently, I came to my attention that she holds a very low opinion of my husband. I certainly don’t require my friends to also be my husband’s friends, but I also don’t feel like I can invest time in a friendship with someone who believes, after observing one unfortunate incident, that the man I’ve lived with and who has loved and supported me for more than 20 years is a Bad Person (I’m not sure if she believes him to be evil, but it might go that far). Even if that weren’t a deal breaker (which it is), she also allowed her opinion to make its way, albeit indirectly, to my son. And that, I’m afraid, is simply unforgivable (not that she feels any regret about that happening anyway). My son and my husband have a complicated relationship as it is, and I don’t need to bring any adults into the mix who are going to disrupt the work we’ve done to establish a peaceful family. No.
So, anyway, it’s getting a bit lonely around here. Luckily, I’ve had the opportunity to meet some new people and try some new things. In fact, I think it’s getting easier to meet potential friends now that kids are getting older and people seem to have a bit more time. We shall see.
Toxic "friends" are not real ones anyway and I share your anger that this person would DARE to interfere in your family relationships. None of her effing business!! I hope you consider me a friend, albeit an internetish sort of one and you know I'm always up for a coffee at Beyond the Bridge. P.S. The other situation would drive me utterly nuts. I would feel compelled to know WHY.